Forgiving myself

Jesus, take my life. It isn't made for my pleasure, but to glorify Your name. You have called me out of the life I used to live and into a life of forgiveness, rightousness, and faithfulness. You have placed the path of my life to bring love, joy, peace, and Your name to all the nations. You have called me, of all people, to places I have only dreamed of going. I am leaving the comforts of my home and going to the land God has given me. I want to be used by you Father. I don't want my own personal desires to get in the way of your work. Father use me. In your name, amen.

This prayer has been on my heart the last two weeks. I have been stuggling with the fact that God wants to use me. I still look at myself and see this girl who ran from God and didn't want anything to do with Him. I often ask myself why He would want me even though I treated Him like dirt. I don't understand why He loves me so much. I look in the mirror and I only see a useless, undeserving, worthless, ugly girl. I want God to use me but I don't feel redeemed yet. I know He has forgiven me but I am working on forgiving myself. I think that's just as important as asking for forgivness from Him.

Father, this is my new prayer. I pray that I am able to see myself through Your eyes. I pray that I can see the beautiful woman You have made me so far. I pray that when I look in the mirror I don't see an ugly girl. I see a beautiful woman. I pray I don't see a worthless girl. I see someone worth fighting for. I pray I don't see an undeserving girl. I see a deserving daughter. I pray I don't see a useless girl. I see a girl who can be used in MIGHTY ways through You. I want to see myself through Your eyes. Help me to forgive myself so I can move on and see things in a new perspective. Lord, I pray this in Your name, amen.

Loving the Least of These...

What is love? Is it your first kiss? Is it when you heart skips a beat when they touch you? Is it your first time with someone? Is it when you see your child for the first time? Is it when you say I do?  Is it supposed to hurt so much? Is it real?
God has been challenging me this week about what it means to love someone. Right now I am reading a book by Heidi Baker called Compelled by Love. If you haven't read it, you should. Anyway, it's going through the Beatitudes and the journey God took her on, for her to understand them. As I sit and read it I am so overwhelmed by the way she talks about the children of her orphanages in Mozambique, Africa. She loves these kids with more love, than I have ever imagined. She told a story that has stuck out. One day she found this little girl lying under a tree with scabies, lice, and a bloated belly from malnutrition. She was dying. They took her to a hospital where the doctors were all saying she wasn't going to make it but Heidi knew God had the power to heal her. Heidi she said heard God speak in that moment to pick her up and show her love. Heidi later said that she also caught lice and scabies but it was worth it. The end result was that God gave her life.
She loved this little girl even though she caught the things she had. She loved a little girl that in the world's eyes was dying and not worth it. This, my friends, is love. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. Love is not jealous. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perservers. Love, my friends, never fails.
So if by chance you come across the "unlovable" remember, Father loved you even though you were once unlovable. When you look at someone who's broken and nowhere else to go, remember: whatever you do to the least of these, you do to Him. Jesus loves. And so should you. That's my challenge to you today. To love. Everyone. And think about what that word means to you. I love you with ALL my heart.  <3 God bless you!!